the one who was never really mine – 2

I’ve decided, for the umpteenth time, that I’m not going back. I know I’ve made this same declaration more times than I care to count, but I truly do mean it this time.

You see, I’ve finally realized a few things.

  1. No matter how much I am willing to go out of my way for you, you won’t return my love.
  2. No matter what I do to make myself more appealing or “valuable”, I can’t allow myself to find my self worth in anything other than Jesus.
  3. No matter how sweetly you hold my hand as we drive down the road, you don’t want to hold my hand forever.
  4. No matter how intently you look in to my eyes as you gently pull me in for a kiss, it’s not worth waiting around to see if I hear from you the next day.
  5. No matter how tightly you hold me before we part ways for the night, you still never check to see if I made it home safely.
  6. No matter how many flirty messages I receive from you, they’re only on the days leading up to seeing you.
  7. No matter what I say to keep a conversation going, it always seems to fade to nothing.
  8. No matter how many times I go out of my way to not bother you about not wanting more than to just “be friends,” my heart can’t take it anymore.

I can’t keep pretending that seeing you out with other girls doesn’t feel like a knife slicing my chest open; that you can go from treating me like you’re number one priority to someone you barely know in 24 hours doesn’t make my stomach turn to knots.

Part of me will always love you, and think that someday it’ll work out for us. Part of me thinks you’re not capable of loving anyone other than yourself; that given the chance you’ll break my heart again. The rest of me knows this decision is long over due, and I should’ve left when more of my heart was still intact.

Three years of waiting and hoping has done nothing but tear me apart. I can’t do it anymore. I wish you the best in life, I truly do.

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