the one who was never really mine – 3

I haven’t talked to him since I checked to make sure he was still alive, that was about a month ago. I had a reoccurring dream that he died in a car crash three nights in a row, so I thought it was a good enough reason to check on him. It was odd because he said he’d had the same dream the past couple nights. Other than that, it’s been radio silence. Not that it’s surprising to not hear from a guy who has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be with you. But of course, I’m still sad about it.

Every Sunday me and my family eat lunch at Taco Bell, it’s just what we do. I’ve actually ran into his best friend there several times. We don’t speak, just a friendly smile and lots of awkward eye contact. Two Sunday’s ago I was pulling into the parking lot and noticed a truck that looked exactly like the one who was never really mine’s; I had my brother with me and the parking lot was rather full. I instructed my brother to see if he saw the guy in the truck as we cruised by. My ex, or whatever you want to call him, was in the passenger seat. Some “young girl with dark hair” was driving his truck. I never drove his truck in the entire three years we were on and off; I never even thought about it. He, without saying it, made it abundantly clear that he was the only one who would ever be behind the wheel of his truck. I mean, what did she do to convince him to let her drive?

Seeing them drive off into the beautiful afternoon sunshine brought back that ache in my chest that I thought I was beginning to get rid of. After taking my dog on a walk and talking to my best friend about the encounter, I realized that seeing him with another girl was probably for the best. It helped me to get it in my head that he’s not sitting around wondering what I’m doing, or worrying that I could be dead on the side of the road somewhere. He’s out getting drunk and laid probably more regularly than I do laundry.

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